Life, right now, is sort of "out-of-whack"...at least for me. It's nearly the end of the semester in my junior year at Gateway College of Evangelism and yet I still haven't fallen into a pattern, it seems. I am living each day, just going about--experiencing stress, anxiety, loneliness, etc. And it's as though nothing is changing.
But as of late, me and God have been having a little bit of a continuing dialogue. It goes something like this:
Me: God, I'm really stressed out right now...I'm getting kinda angry about it...
God: (Nothing)
Me: God, I'm really anxious right now, and I think it's affecting my breathing--can you help me?
God: (Nothing)
Me: God, I'm really lonely right now. Can you send someone to help me get over it?
God: (Nothing)
It didn't really take that long for me to figure out that, since God wasn't talking back, I was probably going about it all the wrong way. So I examined just what I was asking. I was asking "me" questions quite frequently. I was stressing the things that I wanted...and that wasn't exactly what God was looking for.
So I began to change the way I prayed. The following conversations are a sample of that changed prayer:
Me: God, you know I'm stressed out right now. I have tests and papers due, I have meetings to attend, and I must sleep sometime...but I know that you are in control and you'll never give me more than I can bear. Whatever your will is, that is what I want.
God: Just be satisfied with where I have you, it won't last forever.
Me: *gasp* God? Was that really you?
God: Yes (okay, okay, maybe the last part didn't really happen, but whatever)
Me: God, you understand the anxiety that I am feeling right now. You see the stressors that are in my life. I want release from them, but even more than that I want your will to be done.
God: Just be satisfied with where I have you, it won't last forever.
Me: God, you see how lonely I am right now. Please send someone to be my close friend. But if it's not in your will, that's okay. I just want your will to be accomplished. I know that you will be the friend that I need.
God: Just be satisfied with where I have you, it won't last forever.
So, that's it. I have resolved within myself to be satisfied with where God has currently placed me. I realize that where I am at right now is not the culmination of my life, but it is where I need to be right now. It is merely preparing me for my future.
I'm satisfied with where I'm at because I know it won't last forever.
I'm satisfied.
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Phil 4: 6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.
Content Whatever the Circumstances
10-14I'm glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you're again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. (The Message)
I'm sorry you feel lonely and frustrated Dustin, but as you already know, it's just feelings. Thank God we aren't governed by our feelings, but by what we KNOW.
wow...thank you. You know, as often as I think that I have it all together, it is then that I realize that I am forgetting things. I know that I must love God through what I know--not what I feel, but just as soon as I say it, it seems that I forget it...'tis life.
Dustin,
This was an amazing blog to me. I think I have been praying in a similar fashion. God why?? I agree though that wherever God has us now we should be content because it's for a reason. Kinda sucks though sometimes, guess you just have to trust, which is something I'm definitely not good at. Thanks :)
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