i wear pants.

It happened with the turning from every winter to spring. The jackets were abandoned, the sweaters boxed away and the jeans traded for lighter, cooler shorts. Everyone wore shorts to school the first day the temperature was forecasted to be higher than 50 degrees. Everyone except me.

I was raised in a very conservative Christian home. We had no television, wore very conservative clothing and ate dinner together every night. We had family game nights, and sat in the living room and talked and read together. I grew up thinking that was normal...I only wish it were. So you can understand my confusion when everyone else was wearing shorts and I wasn't. And then questions were asked. "Why don't you wear shorts?" My only answer was: "Because it's against my religion."

That was my answer for grade school, middle school, and (I'm ashamed to say) high school. I didn't do things because they were against my religion. I wore pants.

Over time I developed a new answer, this one was a bit more acceptable to those who asked me questions. I wanted to please God and so I did the "odd" things that I did because of that. I guess that was good enough because the people left me alone...maybe they had their reasons. I felt like I was answering a good question while they most likely left questioning my "good" answer.

I still remember the night. In fact it was February 14, 2007. Valentines Day. I was at Wednesday night Bible Study. I'm not exactly sure what my pastor spoke on--it doesn't matter. I only remember that I found my true love. I think for the first time I felt utterly convicted. God's love came and wrapped itself around me so tightly that I felt entirely dirty. When compared to the perfection of God, I realized how much of a failure I really was. In the midst of my feelings of imperfection, I felt something else. It was absolute unadulterated love for God. I loved Him and I wanted to do everything I could to please Him. I wanted so badly at that point in time to be modest on the inside. I wanted my thoughts to be crystal clean, I wanted my heart to be completely spotless, I wanted my soul to be white as snow.

I wanted to be modest because I loved God.

His love compelled me to change. It completely drove me to alter who I was. I don't need a pastor to tell me what I can and can't do. I only need my lover, God. It is my deep love for Him that urges me to conform to His will.

No don't get me wrong, I've got style and plenty of it to go around. I take pride in my clothes. But my modesty goes much further than clothes. It's a heart issue. And it shows itself in every aspect of my life. My talk, my friends, my wardrobe--everything.

I don't think my answer is much easier to explain, now that I have a real reason. So I guess I'm kind of back to square one. I love God. I wear pants.